Beans

 9.22.11

Today I ate lots of caffeine and then drank some, I tried sleeping on caffeine,  but I got frustrated-extremely frustrated.

It started when I spotted a coffee bean on my kitchen counter. It must have been sleeping for weeks-in a dark small closed off bag. I felt sorry for it.

Obviously, it was the early bird of the bunch...I wondered what a morning was like for a bean. What do they drink in the morning? Does it read the paper? And when do they shower? When does it leave for work? Turns out it didn't want orange juice, and I didn't have the guts to ask it if it wanted... well coffee, so I poured it some water and figured I'd hang out with it till the other beans woke up...

What to do, what to do.. I brainstormed. I thought about taking it for a walk, showing it around my street, but that takes a lot of time, and I didn't feel like carrying it home if it got worn out.

I thought about flirting, but I really wasn't in the mood.

What about a taxi? I could call a taxi, go downtown and pay my gas bill. But what if I had trouble sneaking him in the cab? I didn't want to get charged for it, but how do you hide a bean? If it was in my shirt, there would be a lump. And if it was behind me, I might forget it in the cab. But... if I did take it downtown, maybe I'd talk it into paying my bill. After all, coffee beans are gullible. I could tell it some pity story, mention food stamps and welfare, and maybe it would even give me a few bucks for the weeks to come.

I knew I couldn't drive downtown myself because parking is expensive, and there has been a rise in car thefts. I would hate for us to get jumped, forcefully thrown on the ground and beat severely. It probably didn't have insurance. And whats the recovery time on severe beatings to beans? Honestly, the brainstorming was wearing me out. The bean seemed anxious to be doing something. I felt like a bad host. I decided to show it some pictures of tea bags. It was a bit happier after that which made me feel better.

I thought about adopting it, but didn't know if I could love it as much as other people might be able to. Was that really the best thing for both of us? What about the teenage years? What about fitting in to society? It suddenly had errands to run and left my house at quarter to 9. That was weird I thought.

Now, I could really use some coffee.

`SIR IAC